A Meditation on Death and Pain

The reality pain and suffering is so strong that I do not comprehend much. Honestly, I comprehend none of it.

I understand science. I understand how a lunar eclipse, like from the picture above, works. It makes sense, words can describe it and emotionless conversations can be had about it. But not pain.

Pain seems to obliterate all language. We are left with no way to express ourselves through meticulously crafted words. All we can do is cry out in suffering and anger. It is a lot like love.

To love is indescribable. No words can encapsulate it in its entirety and we are left with poetic and meaningless words like heartstrings and soul-mate. Love is beyond anything that we can describe in our language that has been distorted by humanity’s fall from glory. Our world is so broken that we cannot completely comprehend, let alone explain, what love is.

Yet we still feel it.

Though we cannot say what we truly mean, we feel it. To come to an understanding that another feels the same as us is to come to some semblance of understanding of love.

Death is like love.

We cannot describe the feeling of losing friends, family, neighbors. How can there be love when hope is dead and the darkness is too painful to try to feel?

The pain of death is a lot like love. We cannot understand the pain fully until we have felt it and found another who has also suffered. I do not know. I am no expert in the subject. I have suffered loss, I know what it is to be hopeless, but I do not know how I overcame it.

Perhaps I never did overcome the pain, perhaps I simply learned to live with it. My heart grew to make space for the empty hollows of loss and the pulsing veins of love. Perhaps it simply doubled in size for the new loves that would arrive, covering the hopelessness and suffering, one day at a time.

There will be days when it is so incredibly painful that it kills our rhetoric, it destroys our ability to communicate anything outside of tears and shouts. So scream. Cry your heart out, shout in anger, lose your voice. It is stupid for me to tell you that it will be alright, so I won’t.

Pain. Love. Death.

They come together, they cannot be separated. The joy sometimes shadows over the heartbreak, and sometimes that joy is hidden in the darkness. To love is to feel pain. To love is to experience death.

In all things we must remember that the darkness is always there. However, it is only through searching deep through darkness that we can finally come to the light.

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